humor

Frindle

disc-golf-basket

Ever the instigator, Larabie couldn’t help wanting to annoy Miz Kitti.

 

“Wow!” he opined, “Those clouds have quite a lot of  dord!”  Trying to act as if she had a clue, his befuddled friend nodded assent.

 

For days at a time he used the word whenever it was appropriate, and she never got it. All the while, she played along, though she was a wreck, wondering how could she not know what it means. 

 

 

For weeks at a time he played the game and his sidekick humored him.  Day after day she politely plotted her vengeance, thinking  “Mbwahahah!!!”

 

 

 

Welcome back yet again to Rochelle’s Friday Fictioneers .  Here’s what a Dord is. This week’s photo prompt has been supplied by Douglas M. MacIlroy

 

Advertisements

The Rule of Three

 fatima-fakier-deria-3

Here’s the park where famous threesomes, real and fictional, congregate,” Ralph told Sam, to the latter’s incredulity.

“Oh yeah,” Ralph went on. “They have Stooges, Wise Men, Blind Mice, Musketeers~you name it.

“In their world they have a weird sense of humor, so often the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, or the Magnificent Seven, will try to sneak in.”

“Naturally,”  Sam admitted. “I especially like the Three Witches from ‘MacBeth.'”

 

“Don’t let their cutesy rhymes fool you,” Ralph warned. “They can be trouble.”

 

“Oh, absolutely!” Sam conceded.

 

This went on for a while as Sam continued to listen politely.

 

Here we are, yet again, for Friday Fictioneers.  Rochelle leads us weekly in our hundred~word story based upon a photo prompt.  This week’s prompt has been provided by Fatima Fakir Deria

 

Icelandic Puffins

tltweek111Harold and Margret were out on their latest weekly jaunt to the local zoo, when, from out of nowhere, he was plum stunned:   

 

“Get a load of those Icelandic Puffins!!” he screamed. When his girlfriend wanted an explanation, he told her of all the enchanting tales he’s heard from Anna, his supervisor at work, who’s from Iceland, and his Facebook friend Lisa, who loves it so that her very nickname is Iceland.

“I’ll give you one thing,” Margret conceded. “It’s not too hard to keep you happy. Just give you a couple friends who can tell you about some exotic location, and a couple birds from there, it’s as if you’re a native!”   

Here’s yet another of me contributions to Three Line Tales                                                                                                  

Go to Only 100 Words

to find out about the rules.  This week’s photo prompt  comes fromWynand van Poortvliet                 

via Unsplash.                     

What Pegman Saw~Marcusson, Julius Marcusson

sail-treasure-cayHerman and Harriet were finally on their much anticipated honeymoon in the Bahamas.                                                                                                                                                Over the course of their time there, they kept noticing an oddly familiar looking fellow.                                                                                                                                        “Now I know where I’ve seen him before,” the bride told her groom. “He was at the church and reception. I assumed he was someone’s boyfriend.”                                                                                                                         At the casino that evening he offered to buy them drinks. Sensing their tension, he explained, “I assure you, friends, I intend you no harm.”                                                                                                                          “My name is Marcusson, Julius Marcusson. You see, I’ve been assigned to observe you throughout the course of your married life. ”                                                                                                                              “Huh?!” the pair gasped.                                                                                                                  “Oh it’s quite common,” Marcusson went on. “It’s just that hardly any couples ever get to meet their version of me. I just thought I’d be somewhat silly.”                                                                                   

“Our Guardian Angel has a sense of humor!” the bride opined. “That’s nice in a bizarro way!”                                                                                                                                     Please join us weekly for What Pegman Saw

This week’s photograph is of Abaco, Bahamas

 

Instructions are available at the link above.

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                           

 

The Apple Of His Eye

“But it’s an APPLE!!” Wiggums reminded his friend Krausmeyer.tltweek110

“We simply can’t possibly expect people to take us the least bit seriously if we ask them to send their youngsters to a school That’s such a dead ringer for a fruit!”

 

“Show some imagination for once in your life, Old Bean,” his frustrated sidekick pointed out. “All throughout mankind’s existence, the Apple has made a difference~from Adam and Eve to William Tell, From Johnny Appleseed to the Beatles!”

 

“Besides everything else,” Krausmeyer continued ebulliently, “just wait until you get a load of the most important thing.” After a long stunned pause, he continued:
The seven mail boxes represent the fact that an apple a day keeps the doctor away!”

 

This is my very first attempt at Three Line Tales. Please go to the link to find out what it’s all about. This week’s photo credit goes to Jerry Kiesewetter via Unsplash.

Duolingo

burgerClem and Mabel were enjoying their weekly dispensation from their otherwise strict diet.

You know, Clem,” she announced. “This Duolingo site is absolutely amazing!”

I agree,” he admitted. “I grew up in an Italian and Hispanic neighborhood in Queens. Then when I went to St. John the Baptist High School, I took Spanish, and at Farmingdale College I took Italian. I stink at them now though, so Duolingo is my pride and joy!”

 

“Here’s an example of how confusing language is,” he continued. In Italian, ‘Quanto’ means ‘How much. ‘Quando’ means ‘When’, and ‘Guanto’ is ‘Goat.’ ”

“The word for ‘Ant’ is ‘Formica’, and the word for ‘Lawyer’, ‘Avocato’ is dangerously close to the English ‘Avocado.’ “

 

“Of course you realize,” she nudged him, “that besides becoming polyglots, by using this site we can also develop quite an obnoxious sense of humor~and we can forget how horribly fattening the food is here.” 

 

“That’s the important thing,” he admitted as they went on conjugating verbs and nitpicking over parts of speech.

 

As it was finally time to leave, Clem explained to Mabel, “Soon we can be honorary~or, should I say, ornery~Europeans.”

 

They walked away full and happy.

 

The preceding is my very first attempt at Flash Fiction For the Purposeful Practitioner . Please go to the link to find out what it’s all about.  Photo credit is : Morgue File

The Throwback

j-hardy-boxing-gym

“I’m hungry,” Larabie complained to Miz Kitti.

“Let’s go in there and have some hot dogs or something,” his friend suggested.

“Are you kidding?!,” he couldn’t help groaning. “With boxing on the first floor and Madame Natasha the Fortune Teller upstairs?!” 

You’ve been watching way too many old B movies lately,” she reminded him. “I’m sure those characters are quite harmless in real life.”

O.K.,” he finally conceded. “Of course, if you catch me constantly wearing a trench coat and fedora, and referring to you as a ‘dame’ or ‘broad’, don’t say you weren’t warned.

“Very funny, Mac,” she admitted.

Come join us weekly as Rochelle Wisoff~Field leads us through Friday Fictioneers . Read the link for an explanation. This week’s photo prompt has been provided by J. Hardy Carroll .

 

 

my cousin vinnie and “my cousin vinnie”

“I can’t wait to see my cousin Vinnie,” Richie mentioned to Spaniel.

“You always have had the hots for Marisa Tomei,” his friend reminded him.

“Duh, super genius!!” snarled the former. “I meant my cousin from Buffalo. It’s his birthday today. I’m supposed to visit him in a few weeks.”

As they pulled into the DVD store’s parking lot, Richie said, “I wonder if I can find ‘My Cousin Vinnie’ here.”

“Do you think he’ll be here so soon?” his befuddled chum wondered.

Each punched the other in the arm and shouted, “STUUPIID!!!” to the dismay of onlookers.

This week’s photo prompt is supplied by CEAYR. Rochelle Wisoff~Fields, our fairy blogmother, leads us in our weekly Friday Fictioneers,a story based upon a photo prompt.

coffee, causality, quiet

If I were capable of controlling causality, of bringing about a causal relationship between two things that are currently unconnected, I should see to it that every time I drank coffee, all the world’s cell phones would be rendered inoperable.  I’ve never been able to stand telephones. Ever since the invention of the cell phone, I’ve been constantly surrounded by one ignoramus right after the other, incessantly babbling on his phone, or at least allowing it to ring and to make all sorts of noises, with absolutely no regard whatsoever for the rights of others. If I could stop all the phones, merely by drinking coffee, always quite a very favorite beverage of mine, the world would be a much better place. Of course, that would be quite inappropriate in church, and in certain other places, so for those circumstances, I should like to figure out a way by which I could always count on being able to have a pot of freshly brewed coffee nearby. The world would be quite a very much more joyful environment if only mankind could count on more coffee and less noise, especially fewer telephones. It would be especially interesting if it could happen without anyone’s finding out about my naughty secret. Who could possibly suspect that such a harmless commonplace gesture could have such intense consequences? I could alleviate my anxiety and indulge my truly dastardly sense of humor.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/cause-meet-effect/

https://crashcoursedummy.wordpress.com/2014/12/18/candy-girl-chocolate-boy-15/

https://crashcoursedummy.wordpress.com/2014/11/27/candy-girl-chocolate-boy-14/

http://unbolt.wordpress.com/2014/12/20/balance/

http://shesrambling.com/2014/12/21/maybe-a-turn-for-something-amazing/

http://psychologistmimi.com/2014/12/21/how-to-keep-your-colleagues-on-their-toes-by-being-the-mona-lisa/

st. gabriel’s and st. john’s

If I were ever forced to point  out an era during my lifetime which I could refer to as the very best of times it would be fairly easy.I’ve always thought that there’s a tie between my very early days, up until my twelfth birthday, on 92nd Street in Jackson Heights, when I was attending St. Gabriel’s Elementary School in East Elmhurst, and the time somewhat after that, during my teens in Lindenhurst, when I was attending St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School in West Islip. During my very early days in Queens, I lived in quite an exemplary neighborhood where there were all sorts of colorful characters.  Two thirds of the families on my block were either Italian or Hispanic and constantly spoke Italian and Spanish. I was involved with a lot of activities at St. Gabriel’s, in both the church and school, especially Brother Thomas’ bowling league, and the glee club with Brother Edmond and Brother James.  My friends, many of whom are now on my Facebook friend list, were quite an exceptional group of kids. We spent a lot of time together, visiting each other’s families.  During my teens, at St. John’s, I had such a nice time too. Many of the kids I got to know there are also now on my friend list list on Facebook. It was a time for me to learn about new things and ideas, and to grow into what would become ultimately my current persona. Then, as in Queens,  I was known as the kid with the obnoxious sense of humor. Unfortunately that period was the disco era but once I  got over that I enjoyed all the other things about it. I was involved with lots of activities, including the student council and chess club. I realize that those weren’t perfect times for me. I had all sorts of trouble in certain ways. They were quite exceptional though in the sense that the bad very far outweighed the good.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/salad-days/

http://abozdar.wordpress.com/2014/11/18/drinking-day/

http://abozdar.wordpress.com/2014/11/18/drinking-day/

http://dcmontreal.wordpress.com/2013/01/24/back-when-i-was-young-montreals-angloirish-pubs/

http://rolbos.wordpress.com/2014/11/18/when-the-compass-fails/

http://grieflessons.wordpress.com/2014/11/18/fruit-salad/