These days I’m staying with Mary Anne, Steve and the kids anyway. Since I don’t know all their friends I should most certainly take for granted that at least the occasional terribly silly misunderstanding or two is bound to transpire sooner or later. That’s why I wasn’t even the least bit surprised, one Saturday a few weeks ago, when I walked into the house, after a trip to the Coffee Nut Cafe, only to be confronted by quite the pleasant looking middle aged couple who introduced themselves as Fred and Sylvia. Fred and Sylvia were sitting casually upon the living room couch eating such a delicious looking chocolate cake with raspberries on top of it. They were dressed casually and hardly seemed to be as tough as they turned out to be.
“Hey, I beg your pardon bucko but we hear you’re always presuming to correct people’s grammar!”, shouted Fred. “Is that true, may I ask?!” Sylvia stared at me quite sternly. “Listen, hot shot,” she exclaimed. “Maybe where you come from people enjoy being ridiculed by the likes of some neurotic creep but we’ve been sent here to put a stop to it! Do you hear me?!” For seconds I stammered helplessly as I tried to figure out how to explain why I do this seemingly terrible thing. Over the course of the next few hours they alternated between eating their cake and terrorizing me. All I could think of was how horrifying this all was. After a while Fred went over to the kitchen and made us a nice pot of hot coffee. “Well,” I thought, “at least they’re sociable.” During the time they continuously berated me it occurred to me, “O so that’s why I was such an outcast among the other kids when I was young!” Throughout the haranguing I was subjected to, I got a chance to think of how nasty I’ve always been. I asked to excuse myself for a minute so I could go outside and get the mail.
When I returned Fred and Sylvia were both gone. They taught me a lesson I shall never forget. Proper grammar and elocution are so very important but nobody likes a scooch.