trouble ahead trouble behind

I don’t especially want to talk about a specific incident when I’ve felt very guilty but it’s always been quite a particularly rotten feeling for me.    Knowing I’m the bad guy in a particular given situation is so terribly uncomfortable an experience.    It’s one thing when an individual is at least in the right, or when he can honestly claim to have done all within his power to avoid any kind of trouble.    There’s a much different feeling, though, that goes with being the bad guy.    When such a thing happens to me it’s entirely too much of a sense of  wishing I could backtrack and start over again.    Besides that, of course, there is still the inevitable fear of being caught, without my having any legitimate right whatsoever to complain when my comeuppance finally catches up with me.    That’s why I always try to keep my nose as clean as possible.   I tend to get very anxious in general anyway and especially in the face of impending trouble.    Knowing that I’m guilty of something only makes things a real nightmare.   That’s good though because it keeps me from ever presuming to push my luck.    Fear of punishment isn’t the best incentive for being good but at least it’s a really effective start.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s